


Sleep Baby Sleep

by mygodhatesme



Series: Peaky Blinders X Readers [1]
Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Nightmares, One Shot, Original Character Death(s), Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29265915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mygodhatesme/pseuds/mygodhatesme
Summary: After a night you spent with John, you wake up from a nightmare and he helps you go back to sleep.
Relationships: John Shelby/Reader
Series: Peaky Blinders X Readers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149209
Kudos: 4





	Sleep Baby Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> i decided to post my series of peaky blinders x reader oneshots on ao3 as well so here is one of them. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy it

The hands of the clock on the wall was closer to the sunrise than the sunset. You had a thin blanket over you. John was sleeping next to you on the single bed in your room. Unlike you, he had no blanket over him. On that cold Birmingham night, he lied next to you with nothing but his underwear on. Before you fastly drifted into your sleep, he assured you that he didn’t need one. 

Your head was resting on the left side of his chest. The warmth of your cheek heated his cold skin. The sound of his heart beating was your lullaby helping you to sleep. As much as you wished so, it wasn’t enough to keep you sleeping.

After that busy day and a relaxing evening with John, you thought you would get a good sleep. Again, against your wishes, that wasn’t the case. The dreams, more appropriately the nightmares you had every night was haunting you. Even with your love beside you, nothing was keeping your unconscious away from the thought of that misfortunate night. The night you never ever mentioned. 

You woke up to yourself screaming. The sweat running down from your forehead were mixing with the tears running down eyes. Your eyes opened wide at once. You took a deep breath. While your lungs filled, you filled John’s hand on your cheek. 

Your awareness of your surroundings didn’t come until minutes later. Your head was no longer on John’s chest, it was on the pillow. John lied next to you with his one hand under his head. He didn’t seem to have a pillow just like he didn’t have a blanket. His hand on your cheek moved, his skin on yours never felt so good.

“Are you okay?” John whispered, he looked genuinely concerned. His gentle eyes looked at you with a little bit of pity hidden behind. You shook your head, “I keep seeing him in my dreams.” you said simply.

John licked his lips, he drifted his eyes. He couldn’t look at you. You didn’t understand why, did it hurt him to see you in pain or was it just because he pitied you. 

“How do you see him?” he asked, he was still not looking at you. You sighed, “I see him with the gun in his hand.” John finally laid his eyes on you. 

John’s glaze on you made you feel safe, “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk.” he said. You nodded, a single tear shed down you eye. 

“I’ll have to talk about it sooner or later.” you confessed. John’s hand dropped from your cheek to your hand on your side. He held it tight, promised you safety.

You searched for the courage to talk, you took a deep breath. “His stare on me with the gun pointed on his head never leaves me.” you say softly, your words make John take a deep breath too.

“You miss him don’t you?” John asked simply, you just nodded. “At first I didn’t understand, I was just happy to have you home.” you stopped and closed your eyes for a second. “Yes, I miss him.” you swallowed.

“I don’t know what would I do without any of my brothers.” John confessed. “You’re very lucky.” you said because your brother wasn’t there anymore. 

“I’m not even angry at him, he literally looked me in the eye as I begged him to put the gun down.” your voice cracked, your tears multiplied. “Y/N, what if we go back to sleep?” John suggested, you started talking so you felt like you had to finish.

“No John, I need to talk about it.” your voice got high, John just squeezed your hand and nodded. He moved close to you, bringing you closer to his chest. Your eyes couldn’t see him anymore, only his pale skin. 

“I watched him kill himself, my only support, my brother, he was the only one I had after our parents passed.” you slowly say, wiping your tears at the same time.

John is silent once again, he has nothing to say. He understands but doesn’t relate to that pain. You put your arm around his waist, feeling him closer.

“When the war started, I had accepted I could lose him but I didn’t.” you whispered, “You should understand, you fought with him.” John felt his muscles get tense. He remembered the war, the terrors flashed behind his eyes. The war matured him as much as it left him traumatized, he understood your brother to some extent. 

“I do.” was all he could say without unintentionally putting his own troubles on top of yours. “He was so different when he came back, while I was in extreme joy of getting him back...” you stopped, counted to ten to calm down. Your breaths were unsteady, you needed a moment to get back to talking.

“He killed himself as I was planning a future for myself with my brother beside me.” you confessed, it hurt more saying it out loud. John pulled you and pushed you onto himself. You were sharing one soul at that moment. It didn’t matter that John didn’t have much to say, he just didn’t know what to say. It was enough for the both of you to listen and just lie next to one another.

“Almost every single night, I relive that moment.” you explained. John pushed his chin on the top of your head, pulled the blanket towards him covering both of you. “He’s in the kitchen with the gun, he looks at me, I tell him to drop the gun and as I rush to him, he fires it.” John took a deep breath, it was heavy even for him.

“I see him on my knees, I’m on the ground, I’m in shock, I don’t react, I just sit on the floor and stare at his dead eyes.” you say, you tell yourself you shouldn’t tell more. 

Your brother was obviously important to you and John understood. He understood your bond to him and related to that bond. What he didn’t relate was the loss of that bond and it was hard for him too. It was hard for him to see you like that and imagining his brothers gone at the same time.

“I’m here, baby.” he softly says as he feels your warm tears on his naked chest. “I’ll be here, for as long as you need.” he promises. He put his arm over you, moves his hand on your back, making you feel safer than even before.

“I don’t know if I can sleep.” you whisper, “Close your eyes, Darling.” he replies. You listen to him, his heart becomes your lullaby again. “I see him when I close my eyes.” your voice cracks as you speak.

John closes eyes as you do. “Sleep baby.” he whispers, he kisses the top of your head. “Sleep baby, sleep.” he continues speaking softly, “God knows you need it.” his words put you in ease once again.

You breath in and out at the same time, the sound of his heartbeats relaxes all your muscles. “I love you.” you whisper, “I love you too Y/N.” he replies quickly. You both fall asleep in a short time.

You still haven’t told exactly how you feel about your brother’s death and you aren’t ready to. You also know that there isn’t much John can do or say but he comforts you well anyway. You wish you’ll never lose him like you lost your brother.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it <3
> 
> my tumblr is oddshelbyout if you want to interact there or request if you like.


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